7 Things I Learned Being Single in a New City
1. In the words of Michael: You Are Not Alone.
When you first move to a place, especially to a place where you don't know anyone, you can feel…lonely! This feeling is normal. When I first moved to New Orleans, I freaked out on day 1. I kept thinking: I DON’T KNOW ANYONE HERE; THIS IS CRAZY! This is the very thing that forced me out of my comfort zone and make friends with new people immediately. I was open to meeting new people and learning about the city through different people who were interested in schooling the new girl in town.
When I would feel extremely lonely, God would remind me of His promises.
“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”
Deuteronomy 31:6 NIV
“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.””
Joshua 1:9 NIV
When you are following your purpose remember you are never alone, God is always with you!
2. Spend Lots of Time With Jesus.
One of the biggest gifts God gave me my first year away from my hometown was the ability to learn how to trust Him and hear His voice in different ways. I filled up so many journals because of the excessive time I had with Him. Looking back, I was often frustrated my first year because I couldn't simply call my friends and say let's meet up or have people over at my apartment like my times in Maryland. After some time, I realized that I was more focused on my time with God because I did not have any distractions. I read my Bible and fasted a lot more because of this time of being away from familiarity. God showed me myself and gave me so much revelation about my past and future.
While you are on your God-given assignment, you are going to be challenged in so many ways. One of the best things you can do as a Believer is set up a daily time to talk with God and read your Bible. I couldn't run to my mom’s house or my friend’s house when trouble came. I had to learn how to talk to God and to trust Him. I got through some really horrible times simply by spending time with Jesus.
We are reminded to meditate on the Book in Joshua 1:8 NIV.
“Keep this Book of the Law always on your lips; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful.”
3. Find a Church Home.
In my first two years out of Maryland, I did not find a church home in Mississippi. I tried visiting a few places, but I think I kept comparing churches to my church back home and of course, they weren't a perfect match. I had to come to a conclusion when I moved to New Orleans that there are no two churches that are the same. About four weeks after living in New Orleans, I decided to join a church that God gave me peace about. I knew that this time around for my spiritual growth that it was imperative to join a church. Also, if I wanted to build community, learn more, and not feel so LONELY I had to join a church!
“And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.”
Hebrews 10:24-25 NIV
4. East Coast Meets the South. Different & Different.
If you are moving to an entirely different region in America or a different part of the world, you have to embrace that you can sometimes stick out. My first year in the South I kept getting frustrated that people kept commenting on my “accent.” It never failed, anywhere I went someone would ask me: Where are you from? When I moved to New Orleans, I embraced being different. I enjoyed getting to learn some cool slang words and things unique to NOLA.
Learn the culture of where you are going by the people who live there. Embrace it. Different doesn't mean unimportant; different just means different. Stop comparing your old hometown to your new location! I found out I had way more fun learning about the place I would call home for a bit and sharing my experiences with my friends on the East Coast.
5. Join a gym, ministry at church, or a club.
A lot of the connections I made came from work, the gym, and church. When you decide to stay active and not dwell on the fact that you are FAR, FAR from home you can enjoy your new place of residence.
In order to take my mind off work, which is super hard if you're a teacher, I would go to the gym as often as possible. 3-5 times a week was my goal. I gained so much energy by staying active in the gym and taking classes. In addition, I joined two ministries at church that took up some of my time. In those ministries, I was able to build relationships with other members of the church and use my God-given gifts in the church.
I also participated in a women's Bible study group called, Pinky Promise where I was able to meet some amazing women of God. I became close with some women and went out with some outside of Bible study. These activities made me not feel as homesick.
6. God Will Provide.
Of course, an ideal situation for some is that they will live next to their parents, siblings, and close friends all their lives, but the reality for some of us is that's not true. Looking back, I see that God made sure that I always had a mother figure around me and some friends that reminded me of some people back home. I had so many people in Mississippi and New Orleans embrace me like I was their family and like they knew me since I was a little girl. I am so grateful for the forever friends and family God gave me while I am on this journey following my God-given purpose.
7. STOP COMPLAINING. Look at God.
I found out big time moving away from home that I could be a professional complainer. It went from: too many mosquitoes, not enough grocery stores, why is there so much traffic during Mardi Gras, I want to go back home, why am I even teaching in the South aren't there some kids in DC I can teach, and the list can go on.
Top things that frustrated me moving out of state twice in four years:
- Finding new friends.
- Filling out new paperwork for work.
- Finding a new apartment.
- Finding out directions to places LOL.
- Switching car insurance companies.
- Switching my license plates and driver’s licenses.
- Finding a new hairstylist.
- Finding a new nail salon.
- Finding someone to do my eyebrows!! LOL.
When I look back, both times that I decided to move God always made sure I had all of these things covered. I loved both of my living environments in the South, I found top-notch people to do my eyebrows and hair. LOL. & God reassured me daily that there was a purpose for me being in the South.
Teaching my students was part of my purpose. Yes, I wanted to go home and quit like once every two weeks, but I believed God that this part of my life would prepare me for the next assignment that He had for me.
I thought if I complained enough to God, my complaints would warrant me being able to move back home. The enemy doesn't want you to be obedient to what God called you to do; he would love for you to quit. There are so many people’s lives that you are called to impact that you miss out on if you are disobedient to being steadfast during trials.
I knew that I would not be able to walk fully in my God-given purpose if I didn't trust the process God was putting me through. I knew there were certain lives God wanted me to impact while being in the South. Looking back I had to repent because a lot of my complaining and wanting to quit was because I was thinking about myself and my comfort and not the bigger picture! I
see that God’s hand was so heavy in every single detail of my life and that I didn't need to fret or worry. The scripture became so true to me when he says:
“The LORD directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives.”
Psalms 37:23 NLT
If God is calling you to do something, He will provide everything that you need. Not everything will be perfect, and you will have to jump through some hurdles but remember His Word says:
“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28 NIV).
You are full of so much purpose. Don't let the hurdles of life stop you from walking in what God has called you to do. With God, you can jump the hurdles and cross the winning line of fulfilling your purpose.
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